i just can't anymore, it had to end.
The financial help I was offering is not that much of a burden so that is not the issue at all. It was the way I was being treated and how I felt. It has taken me a while to see it, even now my body is rebelling against my mind. It IS an addiction.
At my therapists office my addiction to her...to sex...to my illicit privae life...my addiction to it all came up. It was not easy to bring it up and to call it what it is...addiction. Like any addict I was letting it control my life, my happiness, my sanity.
I am also a helper...white knight...captain save a 'ho. You see someone is crisis and think, "hey...if they only knew this thing..". You want to share it, good intentions...but it always goes to shit. This played out over and over. I can save no one...
I thought I would be sad today, but that is not how I feel at all...more relieved and free. The fact that I do not feel sadness about ending it actually makes me a little sad.
I have a feeling that she will come calling again soon...She always does...
I need to find a place of peace where she cannot effect me with her stories and sadness.
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